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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Obsessing About Not Obsessing

The Zambezi continuing on it's merry way after Victoria Falls“Yes, I know I only have {stupidly short number of} weeks to go, thank you very [bloody] much for reminding me” goes through my head each time I am told how little time I have left now in Zambia. I even thank myself because I’m the one that thinks of this most often. My time here is growing preposterously short and I’m beginning to obsess about not obsessing about returning to reality. Oh dear…

There has been a great many anniversaries fly past of late and there is still one to go. There were anniversaries of individual goodbyes to my most precious friends, winding up my London life, packing up that life into just one car and driving away from all that I’d known for 6 years. Just one goodbye and the beginning of the adventure have yet to be celebrated/commiserated.

It’s impossible to believe that I’m celebrating one whole year of being in Zambia. The time has flown by in a whirlwind of awe, self-discovery, memories and sweat. I can’t believe the things I’ve gotten to see and do, the most unlikely of friendships that I’ve made and the insights and revelations I’ve experienced along the way.

The black spotted bead sheep of Botswana, or just Barry (White) to his friendsBut as I enter the final chapter, I feel reluctant. I don’t want to spend my time worrying about what happens next. I want to enjoy, to absorb, and to wallow in all that Chikuni and life here has to offer me. A part of me is screaming like a spoilt child “I don’t want to go back!” Yes I miss my friends and family but damn, this place is awesome and change, especially great big being a grownup change, is scary! So I find myself obsessing about not obsessing about December, January and the rest of next year. I have a plan, the plan might just work out and everything else is just life. Nevertheless, I find myself having a certain type of conversation internally, “Stop thinking about it”; “No seriously, stop thinking about it!”; “Are you still thinking about it?” Aaaaaaahh……

So to all those that miss me, rejoice for I shall soon be back in your midst, begging bed, beer and brewed coffee (sorry, I ran out of thinks I need beginning with b). My time here is short but there’s still much to do and see. And no doubt I will continue to bore you to death with the details of it right here on zambianmaddness. Until then…

Your reporter in the middle of nowhere, for not long more

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